Ashgabat: So many surprises, so many questions.

Ashgabat confused me. I spend a day and a half in Turkmenistan's capital city with the benefit of a wonderful guide who patiently answered all my questions. Yet, if you were to ask me what its like, I would struggle for an answer. 

I had just come from 8 hours of driving through the desert (interrupted by a wonderful night at the Door to Hell). Everything was dry and dusty, which is to be expected, it being a desert and all. Along the way, we'd passed impoverished villages, none of which looked like they had access to regular electricity or running water. There was garbage everywhere you looked, most likely generated by the semi-trucks that regularly drive that stretch. Yet that all changed the second we entered Ashgabat, where there were wide perfectly manicured avenues, imposing monuments on every corner and marble everywhere. And zero garbage. Not even an errant gum wrapper. It was jarring. 

This is not by accident. Ashgabat is a city that has clearly been designed to impress and showcase national pride. After the fall of the Soviet Union, the country's first president Saparmurat Niyazov, went on the mother of all building sprees. He leveled Soviet era buildings and replaced them with the highest concentration of marble buildings in the world, a fact documented in the Guinness Book of World Records. 

The quest for world records didn't stop there. His successor, Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedov amassed a few others including (and I swear I'm not making this up): largest indoor ferris wheel, largest roof in the shape of a star, most fountain pools in a public space, largest building in the shape of a horse, most people singing in the round, longest parade of bicycles (for shame, Amsterdam!) and largest species of gerbil. Oh, how I wish I could have seen one of those gerbils.

World's largest indoor ferris wheel

That's fine, everyone wants to put on their best face for visitors. It actually is quite impressive, in a Skopje/ Dubai/ everything feels brand new and very showcase-y kind of way.  We drove around the city taking it all in but that only led to more confusion on my part. 

The international airport built in the shape of a bird. 

 

The Wedding Palace

Google Ashgabat and there's a theme that repeatedly come up. It is often referred to as the City of the Dead, where you have all these grand monuments but no people. I'm not sure that's entirely fair. There weren't a lot of people walking around but it was over 100 degrees and the city is pretty spread out. Yet there certainly were a decent amount of cars driving around- all of them white and clean, as mandated by law, which is another tidbit included in every Google search. 

Yyldyz 5 star hotel

The Yyldyz Monument, which doubles as a thermometer

Monument to the constitution

Just as I was beginning to wrap my head around this being a flashy new city, we headed over to Old Nisa, an archeological site, which although newer than New Nisa (I'm telling you, this place is confusing), still dates back to the 3rd century BCE. This area was once the capital of Parthian empire, the largest in Central Asia, and a major hub on the Silk Road. This wasn't some new desert pop-up. It was literally steeped in history. 

One thing that had come up a couple of times during the tour was the national passion for horses, specifically the Akhal-Teke. Aside from the record-holding horse shaped building, there are banners, monuments and even a beauty pageants for horses. Not a typo.

So, it only made sense that we would visit a farm specializing in these shiny gold-hued horses. What I didn't expect was that the handler would be the absolute doppelgänger of Irish actor, Barry Keoghan. I mean, look at this guy!! 

The owner of the farm was a gracious host who explained all the work that goes into propagating and maintaining this ancient breed. He was particularly proud of a young, light-eyed gal who appears to be a shoe-in for that beauty pageant. 

I wasn't too eager to actually ride one of the horses but it felt like a cultural faux pas not to. Plus, who can say no to Barry Keoghan? 

At least they didn't insist I also ride one of the camels they had on property. 

As night fell, we went for a walk, taking in the monuments in a whole new light, specifically in LED lights. The entire city was lit up like the brightest of xmas trees. It felt like we were strolling down the Vegas strip minus the showgirls. 

Which is not to say there were no people. With the temperature cooling, there were plenty of families strolling through the parks. They did seem to be a bit wary of the two tourists in their midsts so I made it a point not to photograph them but I assure they were there.

Once the tour was over, I found my way to the Clever Irish pub. It wasn't packed but there were people there, too. 

Chechil is a salty string cheese, commonly served as a beer snack. No one told me that night that you are supposed to eat it with your hands, not with a fork. 

The whole "dead city" thing wasn't really playing out as I had expected. Another nickname bequeathed to Turkmenistan is "the Hermit Kingdom" for the governments' strict control of all media. Amnesty International has found that the country has an abysmal human rights record and in no way, shape or form does my three days there qualify me to contradict that. But I will say that I found the blocks on social media pretty easy to get around with a VPN. CNN was readily available, the music at the bar was stuff you would hear at any bar anywhere in the world (a combination of rock and pop) and then there was the following joke by my guide. 

When he picked me up at the hotel on morning #3, I commented that I liked the location of my hotel but that it was pretty dated and I'd overheard they were charging guests to use the swimming pool. His response: Yeah, it's kind of like your Spirit Airlines. It's not very good and they charge you for everything.

Couple of things: do you know how shitty of an airline you have to be in order to be the punchline on a continent where you have zero flights?!  In the Hermit Kingdom? I was a pretty blown away by this and asked how he could possibly know about Spirit and its cheapo ways. He explained he was a fan of American standup comedy and had heard them mentioned frequently. 

Based on this very anecdotal evidence, I'm not sure all the comparisons between Turkmenistan and North Korea are fair either. My travel companion, Joaquin, had actually been to Pyongyang so I asked him for this take on the matter and he confirmed that the two felt totally different. 

To be clear, traveling Turkmenistan is not just business as usual. Ashgabat is the only city where visitors can wander around without a guide, which I did on morning #3, prior to the tour. I was taking pictures of one of the many horse monuments when a guy with a security vest ran over to tell me I couldn't take photos. Why would you have all these golden horses if you can't even put them on the 'gram. My guide later explained that the horses were fine but the presidential palace was behind me, which is probably what made the security guy nervous. Photos of any governmental buildings are strictly prohibited and I've even read of airport security going through visitors' photos. 

Much safer photography could be found at the Russian market, which was served as both a farmer's market and shopping mall. 

It was nice but didn't compare to the morning's highlight, the National Museum. Wowza, was this great. At Old Nisa, I had heard about all the artifacts found therein, which combined Persian, Roman and Greek influences. This museum is where all those artifacts lived. Accompanied by a super knowledge museum guide, I did a 90 minute tour of the museum, which felt like it went by in a flash.

Fertility goddesses from the Altyn-Tepe region. 200 BCE

Ram sculpture and agricultural figure (200 BCE)

Bronze age cylinder seal 

Helmeted Parthian warrior found in Old Nisa

Marble figure of Rodogune, daughter of a Parthian king,  found at Nisa

Marble statue from Nisa (possibly Artemis)

Bronze statue of Athena, 2nd-1st century BCE

Parthian stone relief  from the palace at Nisa

Ivory Parthian Rhytons, or wine vessels from the Parthian empire

If I'm being honest, I had never heard about the Parthian empire and now I wanted to know everything about them. This museum really hit in all the best ways. 

Continuing the cultural whiplash that is Ashgabat, we went from antiquity to an ultra-hip rooftop restaurant which happened to be packed. 

Instead of all the wild buildings and monuments we'd seen, it overlooked a mosque modeled after the Blue Mosque.

Why had they chosen to emulate a mosque in Istanbul? How knows? Ashgabat had defied my expectations at every turn, so why should this be any different?

In the end, while I left perplexed, I also left with many wonderful memories and grateful I had chance to visit.  And that I didn't have to take Spirit to get there.