Here’s a predictable formula: take an unexpected summer stay in Amsterdam, throw in a couple of days off here and there and it’s almost guaranteed I’m going to book a last minute ticket somewhere, preferably a new country. Inevitably, there will be very little time for preparation followed by last minute scrambling upon arrival at said new country.
Some places you can just roll up and do just that, finding stuff to do via a google search, a stack of brochures or suggestions from a helpful hostel host. Tunisia aka country #124 was not one of those places. Sure, the hostel had a huge map of the country with arrows helpfully pointing out the highlights. The problem was getting to those arrows, the ones outside of the capital city of Tunis, was bedeviling difficult. There are no trains. There are no buses as we know them, only luages, which are 16 passenger vans that come and go on a whim, usually packed to the brim and without a hint of a/c. Discomfort aside, without a timetable you can easily miss the last return bus without even knowing it.
Next option was to rent a car. And drive in some of the worst traffic I have ever seen. With intermittent cell phone service. In a country where the two main languages are French and Arabic. By myself!! Seriously, fuck that.
Hiring a driver, way too expensive. Bus tour? Not my favorite thing to do but on my first night, I relented and signed up for a $130 tour to El Djem, site of some pretty fantastic looking Roman ruins. I went to sleep content that I now had a plan for my first full day. And then woke up to an email stating that my tour had been cancelled. Fuck!
I needed to come up with something stat. I saw there was a couple of free walking tours on Get My Guide, a site that I tend to avoid because oftentimes, the people offering them are not actual guides, the tours are not actual tours and in the end, it’s just you and a person that may or may not know what they are talking about walking around the city on a defacto private “tour”, meaning you need to tip them way more than you would on a regular free tour, all the while wanting the whole thing to be over.
However, these were desperate times. I booked not one but two tours on Get my Guide. The first would cover both the old and new Tunis and was starting in an hour. Perfect. I took a Bolt (the Tunisian equivalent of an uber only you pay cash at the end of the ride) to the Medina, which is the old part where you find the spice vendors, windy lanes, all that kind of stuff to await instructions from my guide. It was still early and the shops were just beginning to open giving me a nice opportunity to wander around and explore the area.
Eventually, I checked my phone to see if the guide had replied to my booking, only to be horrified by the realization that my phone, no longer connected to the hostel wifi had no signal. This meant to no guide, no gps, no google translate, no Bolt. Fuckkkkkkkkk!! I did the only thing I could think of and began ctr-alt-dlt'ing for dear life. I shut down the phone, restarted the phone, playing with every setting I could set until the mobile gods took pity and gave unto me 4 bars. And a message from Riyadh, my soon to be guide, with a meeting point.
We were to meet at the Clock Tower. Sure enough I was the only person to show up for the tour. Not much surprise there but Riyadh began the tour with a concise but comprehensive history of the city, in perfect English no less, giving me a good dose of cautious optimism.
We were in the new part, where the French influence was undeniable. There were wide lanes, ornate buildings, and a barricaded public space in front of the tower, where I assumed some event had recently taken place. It hadn’t. The square was the site of protests in 2010 that kicked off the Arab Spring. It all started when a 26 year old street vendor set himself on fire to protest political corruption. This eventually led to the President stepping down and fleeing the country. Perhaps not wanting a repeat of this, the square has remained closed to the public ever since. Even taking photos of the square is not permitted as I found out from the screaming guards after I snapped this pic.
Tunisia is primarily a Muslim country and I had hoped to visit the Al-Zaytuna mosque but the opening hours never did seem to match up with my schedule. I did however get a chance to visit the
Cathedral of St Vincent de Paul, a Catholic church dating back to 1897.
This was followed by the obligatory stop at the I ❤️ sign. I wonder if anyone has compiled a book of pics of nothing but I heart pics. Rare is the city these days without one of these signs.
We were soon back at the Medina, perusing all kinds of fruits and veggies at the Municipal Market. I personally could have pulled up a seat in front of the many piles of olives and gone to town.
Instead, we went to a cafe with a rooftop overlooking the old town. Sadly, they did not have big piles of olives on the menu so I opted for an ice cream in a vain effort to cool my body temperature.
You see the temperature on this...and every day...that I was in Tunis was that of the surface of the sun. It was an unrelenting heat that sapped your energy and caused you to buy hats the size of cafe umbrellas.
Mind you, I frequently tell people I am part iguana. My home thermostat does not know there is a setting lower than 75 degrees. The first thing I do upon entering a hotel room is make a mad dash to turn off the a/c. Nothing would make me happier than my own little heat rock. I like the heat. But everything has its limits. This was too much.
We resumed our tour with a visit to
Tourbet El Bey, the resting place of prominent members of the Husainid dynasty. The pashas and princesses are buried in separate chambers, eight in all. It was all very ornate, stately and hot. It turns a/c was not a standard feature for mausoleums built in 1770.
With our tour concluded, I suggested we tackle this heat problem head on with a couple of cold beers. The problem was it was the Muslim new year so most bars were closed. One hotel bar we entered would only serve tourists so although I could get a beer, Riyadh could not. Can you imagine that shit?? You are in your hometown and some big-hatted tourist somehow has more freedom than you do?? Madness. I told the waitress as much and we continued until we found a more reasonable establishment.
Despite my initial misgivings, Riyadh turned out to be both a great guide and a pleasure to hang out with, which is a good thing because my tour the following day was also with him. It was still early in the day and we were cooled off and emboldened by the beers so we decided to continue with a portion of the next day's tour.
I was given two options. We could take a 30 minute Bolt ride to Sidi Bou Said or we could take a local bus to La Marsa and then walk 40 minutes to Sidi Bou Said. There was only one correct response, we were doing this local-style. Riadh pointed out that the bus wouldn't have a/c. Neither does my car at home, I countered. "Did you hear me when I said it is a 40 minute walk from one town to the next?" asked Riyadh. I boasted about doing the 34 mile Great Saunter in New York. Twice. He relented and we were soon on an overcrowded jitney. I was hoping for tinny blaring Arabic music to really add that extra sauce to the ride but had to settle for reckless driving and random cursing. It actually was quite fun.
The walk was a different story. I failed to take into account that the Saunter is conducted in springtime on the very flat island of Manhattan. This was uphill and 112 degrees. No shade whatsoever. I finished my 3rd bottle of water of the day but was overheating like an rusty radiator. Twenty-five minutes in, I was already at "Are we there yet?". We took a break on a beach where I perched myself on a shady tree and refused to come down. Was this my karma for all the people I have dragged on my long walks?
Eventually, I had no choice but to come down and resume the walk. My remaining bottle of water was now the temperature of soup, the incline was somehow steeper and my mind wandered to possible symptoms of a heat stroke. With only 15 minutes to go, I relented and grabbed the first cab to come into view. It was at this point think I may have seen Riyadh giggling.
Sidi Bou Said is best known as Tunisia's answer to Santorini, due to Rodolphe d'Erlanger's decision in the 1920's to make blue and white the beachside town's primary colors. The combination of cobblestone streets, cliffside views of the Mediterranean and its photogenic color scheme have made it a major tourist draw, as evidenced by many many souvenir shops.
In the past, the area attracted wealthy Tunisians as well as artists such as Paul Klee and Henri Matisse. One of those past residents, Taib El Annabi- son of Mufti Mohammed Annabi- built a gorgeous home back in the 18th century. Today, that home is the Museum Dar El Annabi, showing what life was like in those days.
As lovely as the museum was, the undisputed highlight of SBS is simply walking around the town exploring all the little alleyways.
I'm not sure if it was because of the Muslim New Year or the fact that the city was a once a Muslim pilgrimage site named after Sufi saint, Abou Said Ibn Kahlef, but my difficulties getting a cold beer continued. I went to Instagram favorite Cafe des Delices to enjoy a drink with a view. Would you believe these fuckers brought me a 0% beer and tried to pass it off as the real thing?! The sheer audacity! Sir, you clearly don't know who you are dealing with here.
As part of the following day's tour, we returned to SBS to go to the one spot we had run out of time for, the
Palais Ennejma Ezzahra. It was once the home of French artist, Rodolphe d'Erlanger, the same dude who decided the town should be blue and white. Now it is a museum displaying both his work and all kinds of musical instruments, although the star is undeniably the home itself.
From not having a plan, a guide or even a working phone to enjoying a full sweaty day of fun, it was quite an intro to Tunisia. The next couple of days, a little of which I have previewed here, promised even more adventure. An adventure during which I would never again brag about doing the Great Saunter. Twice.
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