Who knew the desert could be so cool?

At the risk of having to rename this blog Adventure of the US National Park System, I currently find myself marvelling at how f'ing cool my latest park visit turned out to be. As always, it all started simply enough. I landed in Tucson International Airport and was immediately fascinated by the lone saguaro cactus, looking all desert chic by the entrance . It was probably 10-12 feet tall, arms akimbo, silently welcoming us to this funky city.

If it could have talked, I'm sure it would have told us about the oldest Mexican restaurant in the US,  El Charro Cafe. But it was a saguaro not a peyote cactus, so it didn't say shit. For that, we had to rely on Google.  Dating back to 1922, the same family has been serving award winning dishes and perfect margaritas from their former home. Because I love nothing more than a good theme, I kicked off the night with their prickly pear margarita. 

And what goes well with loads of tequila and amazing hemp tamales? I'll tell you what, a day at the nearby Saguaro National Park. The "getting there" part was not quite so simple. The desert bakes people differently. The easily distracted man who rented us a car had perhaps been left out a smidge too long. How else to explain why he neglected to mention some pretty essential facts? He just kind of handed us the keys to a car the width of a semi truck and wandered off. It wasn't until we were a good distance away that I had the idea to check how much gas we had. Problem was I couldn't find the gas gauge. That's curious. There were some numbers that meant nothing to me but no little circle with a picture of a pump anywhere in sight. At our first stop, I circled the car looking for anything resembling a gas tank. Came up empty there too. They had given us an electric car! And look, I'm green as they come, I think e-vehicles are great but I also don't know a fucking thing about charging those things. A call to Sir Bakes-a-lot wasn't much help. He informed us that we were to return it at the same charge and should look online for a charging station. What?!! I signed up for a literal day in the park not a lesson in new technology.

The Imax size screen should have probably clued me in that there was fuckery afoot. 

Whatever. I had a park stamp to collect. This was a "later" problem. It's a good thing we continued on our way because no sooner had we parked at the visitor's center, then we saw a ranger-led tour group just getting started. We joined in and got a wonderful hour long lesson on all things cacti. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Park rangers are some of the best federal employees in the whole darned system. They clearly love the parks and are passionate about sharing their knowledge with anyone who will listen. For one man to keep a group of 30+ people rapt during a talk about desert plants is no small feat but he killed it. 

We learned that there are several varieties of cactus represented within the park. You've got barrel cactus, which have a squat tubular shape.

There's chola, or teddy bear, cactus which sounds- and frankly looks- adorable but is actively trying to kill you. The barbed spines will break off easily if you come too close, leading to accusations that this plant has jumping spines. It doesn't but the name "jumping cholla" has stuck- kind of like a painful projectile would. 

There was the prickly pear cactus, with its broad, flat pads. The fruit it provides in rich in vitamin C, magnesium and fiber, meaning my margaritas were actually healthy smoothies and I defy anyone to tell me otherwise. 

And of course, there is the park's titular star, the Saguaro Cactus. These babies can grow up to 60 feet tall, weigh up to 6 tons and live up to 200 years. It's a good thing they have such a long lifespan because they are in no rush whatsoever, growing only 1.5 inch for the first eight years. They don't even start developing arms until hit 60-80 years old. 

Armed with this knowledge and some sage advice to not harass any rattlesnakes we might encounter, we set off to explore the park. Our first stop was the trailhead for the Valley View Overlook. This easy .8 mile trail does exactly what it promises. It leads you to a pretty dazzling viewpoint overlooking a valley chock full of saguaro cacti.

And that's not counting all the ones you pass along the way. It is no surprise that The Discoverer has included it on its list of 8 Easy Hikes with Incredible Views in the US. You think of the noble Saguaro as iconic or stately but when you are seeing a veritable sea of them, it hits you that they are also quite beautiful.

                                         

I assure you, I am a regular sized woman. I just look itty bitty bc of the huge ass cactus. 

Another must do hike is the Signal Hill petroglyphs trail. This one leads you to the park's largest collection of petroglyphs, which are essentially 800 year old graffiti left behind by the Hohokam tribe. Although there are plenty of signs, the coolest part for me was stumbling across unexpected rock art along the way.

It was getting late, the issue with the robocar loomed and I still had another stop to make so we reluctantly left the park and headed to the San Xavier del Bac Mission. This beautifully preserved church, completed in 1797, is known as the "white dove in the desert". 

Inside, the ornate decor mixes Moorish, Baroque and Byzantine elements. If the Spaniard's intent was to convert the Native people- spoiler alert, it was- it's easy to imagine this being pretty effective. The church, which still sits on Native land, would have been unlike anything they had ever seen.

Unfortunately, praying for our car to not run out of battery, like a paid-off iphone was just not going to cut it. As my friend, Renee, googled possible charging stations, we narrowed the search to the Warehouse Arts District. We had no idea how long this process was going to take but figured the wait would be better when paired with craft beers and street art.

And we were right. I still have no idea how long that thing takes to charge or why it stopped at 40%- nor do I care, if I'm being honest- but in the meantime, we got to enjoy a super cool neighborhood.  Which all things considered is not a bad price to pay for a day well spent in yet another amazing National Park.