Zooming through Zion

 There are plenty of things that come to mind when one thinks of Vegas: the non-stop jingling of slot machines, tourists sipping daiquiris from novelty cups the size of toddlers, oppressive summer temperatures so hot that I believe it is legally permissible to bitchslap anyone who uses the term "dry heat". Then there are things that one couldn't possibly be prepared for, things like texts telling you to be ready and outside your hotel at 4:45am. Yet, this was my reality. 

Why? Because I had signed up for a tour to Zion National Park, which sits a little over 2 hrs from Vegas.  I had been wanting to visit this park for ages, I finally had a chance to do so and let's be honest, my National Parks passport needed some stamps. 

The drive was captivating enough that I abandoned all plans to nap my way to Zion. That, combined with the lively narration from Jason, co-owner and guide extraordinaire for Mohave Wave, caused the time to fly by. 

As soon as we arrived, we had to say goodbye to our comfy bus. The park is so crowded that they don't allow private vehicles to enter, choosing instead to shuttle visitors to a number of stops. This is a good idea in theory but the reality of it is Disney-length lines to get onto the shuttle, particularly at the Visitor's center. We only had six hours to enjoy the park, which is longer than what is offered by any of the other tour companies but still not enough to fully appreciate all the splendor on view.  

Luckily, we had been well-briefed on how to maximize our time.  Most people get on and hop off a couple of stops in, before proceeding north along the route. Jason suggested we take the shuttle all the way to the end and make our way south, thus enjoying the nicest part of the park at its least crowded time.  

That would be the part where the Virgin River cuts through the red rocks, creating dramatic views everywhere you look. It is also the site of the Narrows, one of the park's most popular hikes. This trail takes you through the bottom of the canyon, while crossing back and forth across the river. You want to know who intends on hiking the Narrows? It's easy, look for the people wearing special water shoes and carrying sticks. Since we had bussed directly into the park, I did not have any stick/ shoe renting opportunities, but was totally cool with going as far as the start of the trail and moving on.

Not sure if this is actually a woodpecker but I can attest to the fact that he was, in fact, pecking wood. 

That was, until I got there. Then FOMO kicked in and I wanted to hike the narrows. I had on a pair of Nike sneakers, which I had no problem getting wet, but here I was Berti the stickless in a world full of stick-wielding people.

I made one tentative step into the water and right onto a trickster of a slippery rock before quickly recoiling back to dry land. I could easily see myself going ass over elbow in the river only to have someone ask me "You didn't actually think you could do this without a stick, did you?" And then I would have to beat them with their own stick.

I was just about to reluctantly turn back towards the shuttle when I heard someone calling my name. It was Jason, joined by two German girls from the bus. They had come to do a portion of the Narrows (the entire hike is 16 miles and requires a special permit so most people only do a portion before doubling back). None had special shoes or sticks but they were going in regardless. The Germans grew up by a river and were whatever the aquatic equivalent of a billy goat would be, jumping easily from river rock to river rock, one of them barefoot. Jason knows the park better than I know my own apartment so he was clearly comfortable traipsing from one side of the river to the other. I, on the other hand, still had concerns, enough so that I asked a question that required impeccable enunciation "Jason, will you be my stick?"

I will forever be grateful that he said yes. With his help, particularly in the areas where there were mini-rapids, we followed the trail for a good 2 hours (plus another 2 hours back) and amazing does not begin to describe it.

Every turn brought with it a new and even more impressive view. I spent a lot of time looking down so as to not misstep and take us both out but every time I glanced up, I couldn't help but blurt some variation of "Holy shit, this is beautiful!!"

For most of the crossings, the water was about ankle to shin deep but every now and then, there was a chilly surprise in store. 

Jason, master guide and best stick in town.

I'm not generally one to take a lot of selfies but two factors altered my usual behavior.  One, did I not just mention how fricking gorgeous this place is (and trust, these photos don't even begin to capture it).  The second reason, more significantly, were my friends who balked at the early report time and chose to hit the clubs and sleep in instead.  This was to be the most scenic "I told you so" in the history of "I told you so"'s. 

By the time we got back to the starting point, almost 5 of our 6 hours had elapsed. We would have to skip all the stops on the way back to the Visitor's Center but I can't imagine there being anything more spectacular than the Narrows (and if there is, I don't want to hear about it until I can get back to the park, please and thank you).

At the very least, staying close to the water may have spared me from being attacked by what appear to be some very aggressive deer. 

♪ Doe, a deer, a gangster deer ♪

Once back at the visitor's center, I had just enough time to do the very start of the Watchman's trail and of course, get that park stamp. 

A quick fuel stop on the return allowed to me to grab some local beers and settle in for the return ride.

Love me some devil water. 

All in all, it was a spectacular day with an awesome guide and one of the best hikes I've ever done. Totally worth the early alarm, even if it was in Vegas.